Gooooooooooood morning Beardy Blog fans. Or, if you are reading this in the afternoon, gooooooooooood afternoon Beardy Blog fans. Or if you happen to be reading this in the evening, goooooooooooood evening Beardy Blog fans. Or, if you… oh, you get the flippin’ idea with that.
Today I am guessing that you are here to read my review of Call Me Star Girl by Louise Beech, no? If you haven’t then may I suggest you take this opportunity to leave now? I’m sure you will have better things to do. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.
But if you are here for the review then WELCOME, and boy do I have a treat for you.
A treat you say? Oooh, I imagine you’re saying next, what could he mean by that?
Well, today you will be witness to the very first Beardy Book Blog… phone-in! That’s right, you read that correctly; a phone-in. I have been working tirelessly, tirelessly I tell you, to set up my very own radio station, just for this very review. I shall be asking the listeners to phone-in their very own thoughts about this wonderful book.
Now, I know what you are thinking: hold up you hairy buffoon, this is a written blog, how are we supposed to phone-in?
Well, I have thought of that actually and, obviously it’ll, ummm, clearly there will have to, um, I mean it goes without saying that, errr…….. shut up! Excellent, now we’ve cleared that up…
I’m very excited. Oh, I do hope that nothing goes wrong *crosses fingers emoji*
But first, let’s have a word from our wonderful sponsors: Blurbnation – Taking the blah blah out of blurbs…
“Pregnant Victoria Valbon was brutally murdered in an alley three weeks ago – and her killer hasn’t been caught.
Tonight is Stella McKeever’s final radio show. The theme is secrets. You tell her yours, and she’ll share some of hers.
Stella might tell you about Tom, a boyfriend who likes to play games, about the mother who abandoned her, now back after fourteen years. She might tell you about the perfume bottle with the star-shaped stopper, or about her father …
What Stella really wants to know is more about the mysterious man calling the station … who says he knows who killed Victoria, and has proof.
Tonight is the night for secrets, and Stella wants to know everything…
With echoes of the Play Misty for Me, Call Me Star Girl is a taut, emotive and all-consuming psychological thriller that plays on our deepest fears, providing a stark reminder that stirring up dark secrets from the past can be deadly…”
So #Fahrenbruary is over. The month long Fahrenheit celebration comes to a shuddering halt, for this year at least. How was it for you? Personally, I am pooped. Seriously, my brain is going into a kind of hibernation right now – like a tortoise after a particularly busy summer spent eating cabbage and an especially tough bit of carrot. But would I change it in any way?
It’s been a terrific month in every way. Yes it’s been hard work, bloody hard work, but it has also been very, very rewarding and huge fun.
Welcome to the Penultimate day of this years #Fahrenbruary. Yes, can you Adam and believe it… we are at Day 27. Where the heck did it all go eh?
What do I have for you lucky people today then? Well, today I present to you a very special Q&A. Why is it special? Well I’ll tell you why, because today I bring you a Q&A with none other than the man who has brought us some of the darkest, most disturbing and experimental noir this side of… er… this side of the… um… other side of something else that brought us some pretty dark noir, I can tell you. Yes, you should see that side now… all hanging its head in shame and feeling pretty silly with itself that someone else has come along and trumped them in the dark noir stakes.
Ha! Take that other side of… thingy.
But I fear that I am digressing a tad.
Who is this man with what of whom I speak?
Who is this dark genius with an eye for that which others fear to publish?
Who is it who dares to laugh in the face of traditional publishing and chuckle at the cheeks of conventionality?
How long does he dare to leave his biscuit in his hot drink before taking it out?
Where does he keep his soul?
And how on earth does he pronounce ‘scone’?
The man holding all of the answers to the above is… Chris Black.
Quite possibly you will never have heard of him. Maybe you are about to hit the back button on your browser thinking, “meh, I care not for this Chris Black person. I’m going to go back to reading my [insert title here] published by the excellent Fahrenheit 13!”
Well, STOP RIGHT THERE, STRANGER!
For you see, Chris Black is the very man responsible for bringing you that book and author of which you are so desperate to return to.
For Chris Black IS Mr. Fahrenheit 13.
Totes way. Now I have your interest, huh? Not so eager to run away now then, are we? So, dear reader, cast you eyes down below (no, not that down below, seriously, filth!) and find out more about who Chris really is.
Enjoy. TBBB X
Hello you lovely people and a very warm and squidgy welcome to the Beardy Book Blog for what is Day 26 of #Fahrenbruary.
You may be wondering what delights I have in store for you today, well, you can wonder no more for today I bring to you a Q&A from the king of transgressive noir himself, Mark Ramsden.
Mark is the author of the sexily naughty and spanktastic noir novel ‘Mistress Murder‘. I reviewed this book on Day 25, which, rather conveniently, was also yesterday. You can check out that very review riiiiiiiiiiiiight…….. here!
Well, I bet that got your blood a-pumpin’, eh? I wager that that has got you wondering what kind of person possesses the sort of mind to come up with such a saucy story and wantonly flings words such as ‘rootle’ and ‘bottom’ about in the same sentence, huh?
Well today I hope we can clear up some of the questions you may have as we plunge into the mind of Mark.
Don’t be scared! Join us….
Despite paying good money for it, you’re really not sure that the leather clad dominatrix striking you across your bottom with the thin cane really has their heart in it. They keep sighing and huffing and puffing as they strike you, stepping back, pausing then coming back to do a bit more. Eventually your hour is up and they pack away their things and leave, without even as much as a goodbye. You’re left in the small dark dungeon wondering what the hell that was all about. You’re left distinctly unsatisfied by the whole affair. You wanted a damn good thrashing, not a gentle caressing. You’ll be having words with the Madame that’s for sure!
You turn around and take a look at your rosy red buttocks in the full length mirror behind you. In the low light you notice something odd about the marks. Instead of being all straight and parallel as usual, they appear to be random and criss-crossing each other. Some are long and straight whilst others are short and at angles to each other. What the…?
Angling your head slightly and turning more towards the light you swear that the marks across your bottom begin to look familiar. Could they be…? Surely they can’t be…?
But there, as plain as day now you have got your eye in, across both of your buttocks and perfectly reflected in the mirror, there is a… blurb!
“Susie Godly is many things to many people. Lover, daughter, mother, ex-wife, entrepreneur and – in her guise as Mistress Murder – one of the most in-demand dominatrixes in London.
Susie has bought herself a first-class ticket on the hedonism express and shows no sign of slowing down for anyone or anything. Yes, her marriage ended badly – sure, it’s fair to say she’s probably doing a few too many drugs – and yeah, most people would agree her love-life sits at the more ‘complicated’ end of the spectrum – but it’s nothing Susie can’t handle, right?
As she does her best to ride the wave of joyous mayhem she’s created, Susie’s attempts to live her best life are thwarted by the appearance of a mysterious stalker who seems infuriated by both her and her lifestyle. Susie’s dealt with stalkers before of course – they’re par for the course in her business – but this one operates on a different level of malevolence, and she is forced to take desperate steps to ensure her safety and the safety of the people she loves.
Mistress Murder provides a hilarious, beautifully frank, and entirely unselfconscious window into a hedonistic subculture where few have dared to tread.”
Today is the 22nd Day of #Fahrenbruary and today I bring you a brilliant guest post from none other than Duncan MacMaster. Duncan is the author of the most splendid ‘A Mint Condition Corpse‘, its sequel ‘Video Killed The Radio Star‘ (both featuring his ace nerdy crimefighter Kirby Baxter), and ‘Hack‘, all published by Fahrenheit Press.
When I asked Duncan to write me a guest post for Fahrenbruary he very kindly agreed and boy has he delivered.
Have you ever had the burning desire to write a Whodunnit? Have you ever thought to yourself, “argh, I really want to write a whodunnit, but I really don’t know where to even start”?
Well, beardy blog fans, wonder no more for Duncan will set you straight and guide you through the murky waters of crafting such a tale.
So, without further ado, sit back and discover how it’s done (well, by Duncan at any rate… other methods may be available 😉).
Enjoy. TBBB X
You hold the Desire Card in your hand. Can it really deliver the one thing that you desperately desire? The one thing that has eluded you for so long?
You have the money, but do you have the courage to go through with it?
There is only one way to find out. Taking a deep breath you press the button on the card.
“What is your desire?”
The voice on the end of the line is distorted and crackles with static.
“What is your desire?” it repeats in the same monotone drone.
You hesitate, not sure anymore that you want the one thing that you truly desire.
“What is you desire?”
Your mouth goes dry as you try to form the words, “I…. I desire… “
The person on the other end sighs, the sound coming out as a static hiss.
“What do you desire?”
You close you eyes and summon the courage to speak: “I… I desire… a blurb!”
‘Any wish fulfilled for the right price. That’s the promise the organization behind The Desire Card gives to its elite clients – but sometimes the price may be more menacing than anyone could ever imagine.
Harrison Stockton has lived an adult life of privilege and excess: a high-powered job on Wall Street fuels his fondness for alcohol and pills at the expense of a family he has no time for. Quite suddenly all of this comes crashing to a halt when he loses his job and at the same time discovers he almost certainly has only months left to live.
Desperate, and with seemingly nowhere else left to turn, Harrison activates his Desire Card. What follows is a gritty and gripping quest that takes him from New York City to the slums of Mumbai and forces him to take chances, and make decisions, he never thought he’d ever have to face. When his moral descent threatens his wife and children, Harrison must decide whether to save himself at any cost, or do what’s right and break his bargain with the mysterious group behind The Desire Card.‘