#Fahrenbruary Review: Mistress Murder – Mark Ramsden @MrRamsden1 @F13Noir @FahrenheitPress

Mistress Murder cover

 

Despite paying good money for it, you’re really not sure that the leather clad dominatrix striking you across your bottom with the thin cane really has their heart in it. They keep sighing and huffing and puffing as they strike you, stepping back, pausing then coming back to do a bit more. Eventually your hour is up and they pack away their things and leave, without even as much as a goodbye. You’re left in the small dark dungeon wondering what the hell that was all about. You’re left distinctly unsatisfied by the whole affair. You wanted a damn good thrashing, not a gentle caressing. You’ll be having words with the Madame that’s for sure!

You turn around and take a look at your rosy red buttocks in the full length mirror behind you. In the low light you notice something odd about the marks. Instead of being all straight and parallel as usual, they appear to be random and criss-crossing each other. Some are long and straight whilst others are short and at angles to each other. What the…?

Angling your head slightly and turning more towards the light you swear that the marks across your bottom begin to look familiar. Could they be…? Surely they can’t be…?

But there, as plain as day now you have got your eye in, across both of your buttocks and perfectly reflected in the mirror, there is a… blurb!

“Susie Godly is many things to many people. Lover, daughter, mother, ex-wife, entrepreneur and – in her guise as Mistress Murder – one of the most in-demand dominatrixes in London.

Susie has bought herself a first-class ticket on the hedonism express and shows no sign of slowing down for anyone or anything. Yes, her marriage ended badly – sure, it’s fair to say she’s probably doing a few too many drugs – and yeah, most people would agree her love-life sits at the more ‘complicated’ end of the spectrum – but it’s nothing Susie can’t handle, right?

As she does her best to ride the wave of joyous mayhem she’s created, Susie’s attempts to live her best life are thwarted by the appearance of a mysterious stalker who seems infuriated by both her and her lifestyle. Susie’s dealt with stalkers before of course – they’re par for the course in her business – but this one operates on a different level of malevolence, and she is forced to take desperate steps to ensure her safety and the safety of the people she loves.

Mistress Murder provides a hilarious, beautifully frank, and entirely unselfconscious window into a hedonistic subculture where few have dared to tread.”

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#Fahrenbruary Guest Post: ‘Let’s Make A Murder: A Quick & Dirty Guide To Crafting A Whodunnit’ – Duncan MacMaster @FuriousDShow @FahrenheitPress @F13Noir

#fahrenruary

Today is the 22nd Day of #Fahrenbruary and today I bring you a brilliant guest post from none other than Duncan MacMaster. Duncan is the author of the most splendid ‘A Mint Condition Corpse‘, its sequel ‘Video Killed The Radio Star‘ (both featuring his ace nerdy crimefighter Kirby Baxter), and ‘Hack‘, all published by Fahrenheit Press.

When I asked Duncan to write me a guest post for Fahrenbruary he very kindly agreed and boy has he delivered.

Have you ever had the burning desire to write a Whodunnit? Have you ever thought to yourself, “argh, I really want to write a whodunnit, but I really don’t know where to even start”?

Well, beardy blog fans, wonder no more for Duncan will set you straight and guide you through the murky waters of crafting such a tale.

So, without further ado, sit back and discover how it’s done (well, by Duncan at any rate… other methods may be available 😉).

Enjoy. TBBB X

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#Fahrenbruary Review: The Desire Card – Lee Matthew Goldberg @LeeMatthewG @FahrenheitPress @F13Noir

the desire card

You hold the Desire Card in your hand. Can it really deliver the one thing that you desperately desire? The one thing that has eluded you for so long?

You have the money, but do you have the courage to go through with it?

There is only one way to find out. Taking a deep breath you press the button on the card.

“What is your desire?”

The voice on the end of the line is distorted and crackles with static.

“What is your desire?” it repeats in the same monotone drone.

You hesitate, not sure anymore that you want the one thing that you truly desire.

“What is you desire?”

Your mouth goes dry as you try to form the words, “I…. I desire… “

The person on the other end sighs, the sound coming out as a static hiss.

“What do you desire?”

You close you eyes and summon the courage to speak: “I… I desire… a blurb!”

 

Any wish fulfilled for the right price. That’s the promise the organization behind The Desire Card gives to its elite clients – but sometimes the price may be more menacing than anyone could ever imagine.

Harrison Stockton has lived an adult life of privilege and excess: a high-powered job on Wall Street fuels his fondness for alcohol and pills at the expense of a family he has no time for. Quite suddenly all of this comes crashing to a halt when he loses his job and at the same time discovers he almost certainly has only months left to live. 

Desperate, and with seemingly nowhere else left to turn, Harrison activates his Desire Card. What follows is  a gritty and gripping quest that takes him from New York City to the slums of Mumbai and forces him to take chances, and make decisions, he never thought he’d ever have to face. When his moral descent threatens his wife and children, Harrison must decide whether to save himself at any cost, or do what’s right and break his bargain with the mysterious group behind The Desire Card.

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#Fahrenbruary Review: A Mint Condition Corpse (Kirby Baxter Book 1) – Duncan MacMaster @FuriousDShow @FahrenheitPress @F13Noir

 

MCD Cover

 

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No, of course not, silly… it’s a blurb, with its undergarments on the outside and wearing a cape admittedly, but a blurb all the same:

Batman schmatman, there’s a new hero in town and he’s kinda dorky…

Kirby Baxter went to Omnicon for the cosplay, the comics and the collectibles. 

No-one was supposed to get murdered.

Get ready for a whole new kind of crime novel. The Dork Knights are rising and Kirby Baxter and his friends are putting the nerd firmly into noir. 

Its all fun and costume changes at OmniCon until schlock horror superstar Erica Glass turns up dead. Fresh from a mysterious adventure in Lichtenstein Kirby Baxter soon finds himself up to his geeky neck in a deadly murder mystery.

Kirby must deploy his unique skills of deduction and detection before the body count rises and ruins OmniCon for everyone.

 

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#Fahrenbruary Poetry Corner: ‘Electric Sex Syrup 5am Outside A Strip Club In Manhattan’ and ‘Trigger Mouth Blues’ – two poems by Saira Viola. @sairaviola @F13Noir @Fahrenheit Press

#fahrenruary

 

Good day to you all and welcome to Day 22 of #Fahrenbruary. Today is a special day as once again I present to you two posts from Saira Viola – the ‘Punk Princess Od Noir’ – author of ‘Jukebox‘ and ‘Crack Apple & Pop‘, both published by Fahrenheit 13 (click on the titles for my reviews).

Saira is not only an author, but also a renowned poet and she has kindly allowed me to reproduce two here on my beardy blog.

As with her longer fiction, Saira pulls no punches, casting her cutting glare across the social, sexual, cultural and political landscapes of our society.

Follow Saira via Twitter (@siaraviola) or check out her website at http://sairaviola.com/

 

Enjoy. TBBB X

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#Fahrenbruary Q&A: Saira Viola (author of Jukebox and Crack, Apple & Pop). @sairaviola @F13Noir @FahrenheitPress

#fahrenruary

It’s Day 22 of #Fahrenbruary. How did that happen? This month long celebration of all things Fahrenheit Press and Fahrenheit 13 thunders on and today I bring you a Q&A with the ‘Punk Princess Of Noir’ herself Saira Viola.

Saira is a poet, song lyricist, playwright and novelist who’s first two books “Jukebox” and “Crack Apple & Pop” are published by Fahrenheit 13. You can find my reviews of each down there:

JUKEBOX

CRACK APPLE & POP

Both books are fast paced, gritty, dark and blackly humorous slices of noir that feature a vast and eclectic mix of characters set in the underworld of London. They are both excellent and well worth checking out.

Saira is currently beavering away on her third novel set in LA.

So, on to the Q&A.

Enjoy TBBB. X

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#Fahrenbruary Short Story: ‘Circling The Drain’ by Saira Viola. @sairaviola @F13Noir @FahrenheitPress

#fahrenruary

Hello once again.

It is with great pleasure that I present to you all Part Two of Day 21 of #Fahrenbruary and our second short story from Saira Viola: Circling The Drain.

It is of course entirely possible that you missed Part One of Day 21, and if that is indeed the case, please have a look at what you missed via this handy link here:

#Fahrenbruary Short Story: ‘Horizontal Vertical’ by Saira Viola. @sairaviola @F13Noir @FahrenheitPress

All caught up? Splendid stuff 😃

CTD: Circling The Drain is yet another hard hitting story from the ‘Punk Princess of Noir’. Saira doesn’t pull her punches in her fiction, and CTD is no exception. Dutchie and Ich are two young homeless people trying to eke out a miserable existence on the streets of London: She a part-time flower arranger and coke addict, he a petty thief peddling his wares to whomever will buy them. An opportunity comes their way via a shifty guy named ‘Zipmouth’, but is this opportunity too good to be true?

Well, coming from a guy called ‘Zipmouth’, I would say it’s highly likely, wouldn’t you? 😅

CTD is also a barbed commentary on the plight of the homeless in our cities and pulls back the veil on a particularly nasty and repellent, but sadly very real, underground racket.

Coming up for Day 22 of Fahrenbruary I present a Q&A from Saira and two short poems.

See you then.

Enjoy. TBBB X

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